Chemo #11

Chemo number 11 is done as a door nail (um does that make sense).  In my current state (drugged), I remind myself of the main character in the movie Almost Famous; he screams from the roof of a house, "I'm on drugs!" and then he jumps into a pool.  I don't think I'll jump, but the Ativan, Emend, Zofron, and steroid make me loopy and, according to my nurse and husband, entertaining as well.  Truthfully, I just think it makes it difficult for me to write coherent sentences, but I'll try.

Does a dry cough mean anything?  Could it possible mean that I have a rare side effect of the chemo called  Bleomycin Pulmonary Toxicity? Three weeks ago, I was on Levequin (strong antibiotic) for a couple weeks for a cold and after the cold (wet cough, green snot, yellow nasal drip ... you get the idea) came a dry cough.  It really is just a small tickle in my throat.  So many of us experience persistent dry coughs after we are sick (am I right??) that it hardly seems like something to worry about, let alone change my chemo regimen over. 
The doc sent me for a variety of tests to see if the dry cough actually meant something. 
Test 1: Chest Xray - This are easy easy.  You stand with a gown on, and the technician takes two xray pics of your chest.  Easy. 2 minute easy.
Test 2: CT Scan of the Lungs - Typically in a CT scan one must drink Barium (nasty ground up chalk with fake flavoring) as a contrast material.  The Barium allows the radiologist to decipher between different parts of our body.  I didn't need this contrast for the Lung CT which made it easier than usually.  I laid down on the table, and as they slid me multiple times under the scanner they told me to breathe in and hold, out and hold, in and hold, out and hold, in and hold ..... you get the idea.  It took about 10 minutes and was fairly easy.
Test 3: Pulmonary Function Test - Kill-Lord-Voldomort difficult (Harry's been trying to do it for at least 6 years now ... we'll see what happens in the last Harry Potter movie this summer).  The Pulmonary Function Test (PFT) is a little slice of hell on earth.   This is the test where they put you in a small box and shut off your air supply.  I am scared of suffocation and this test is a nightmare.  I'd rather take my chances helping Harry kill Lord V.  ugh.  Last time I was allowed to do the PFT without the box, but I was encouraged to use the box this time because it is slightly more accurate. In spite of my fears, I was successful.  My heart would have lapped that good looking guy who won the Indy 500 ... no contest ... but in spite of myself, I completed the test in one try.  Oh no no no no... there's no need to cheer.... no no ... well ok ... ok... maybe a little louder... yeah I was great wasn't I? 

TEST RESULTS: XRay was clean, CT showed abnormalities, and PFT showed a decrease in lung function of 9% between last month and this month.  Though we can't be certain, the results indicate that I am having a reaction to the Bleomycin.  According to me, I need to take the Bleomycin as part of my chemo regimen to ensure that I have the 85% cure rate that everyone knows and loves. So my initial thought was to ask the doctor to give me the Bleomycin for my last two chemo session regardless of the decreased lung function.  ummm yeah ... wrong ... yet again.   I typed Pulmonary Lung Toxicity into Google and found via WedMD that lung toxicity and death are closely aligned.  In fact, if you have Bleomycin Pulmonary Toxicity (BPT), your chance of death within the next 5 years is 25% (many cases within one year) .... that doesn't include the additional possibility of dying from Hodgkin's.  So, I asked my doc about this and he said that the consequences are in fact dire and that BPT is taken very seriously.  Then he said - You Kari, DO NOT FIT into this dire 25%category.  He said it with conviction multiple times.  At this point, my toxicity is very minor (we caught it early).  However, if he continues to give me the Bleomycin, I could end up with an increased chance of death; the point is taken, don't mess with my lungs.

The last two chemos will be without the Bleomycin.  I asked the doc if he would give me additional chemo sessions after my 12 are complete, but he will not.  There is no need.  He did say that my 85% cure rate is still safe and pointed to a recent german study that found Bleomycin to be an unnecessary component of ABVD.  They'll have to run these new findings through more clinical trials before they see the light of day, but in the future, Bleo may be a thing of the past ..........  We'll see.

Wouldn't it be funny as heck if a young girl scared to death of suffocation died a worse fate than mere drowning (which used to be my most feared way to go ... right up there with torture anyway) ... she died of Lung Toxicity ... aka. a slow suffocation. He he he he... I can't stop laughing about it!!!! You have my full permission to laugh ... it's totally funny. Dark humor, but humor none the less.

In reality, I'm bummed, angry at times, tired of dealing with negative health news ... I have questioned my decision to not do radiation. It'll all swirling at the moment, and I hope for future clarity and peace with the situation. It's difficult to find this peace and clarity during the nausea and fatigue, but hopefully, I can work through it when I feel better starting next week.  I have been praying to Let go and Let God ... or specifically I've been praying the following prayer:

"God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"

And finally, here are a couple pics from Chemo Number 10, and a bonus pic of Brennan's first Bball basket!  Soooo cute.  SIDE NOTE: I love that little miracle (aka Brennan), and I'm itching to expand our family one way or another.  We'll keep you posted.